One mistake I made early on when I just got divorced was to over react when my kids were doing the slights thing that didn't seem "right" I was over analysing they every mood, their very habit or action. Not realising that a single day in a bad mood was going to have absolutely zero effect on how they were going to grow up to be adults. If they were going through a phase where they were slobs or dressed weird it was just that...... a phase and didn't need to be immediately corrected. if left alone the phase would pass in time and just be a funny story after time had past. Immediately trying to correct the behaviour would make the kids rebel and entrench it even further.
We expect our kids to be perfect all the time otherwise we start thinking it is a reaction to the divorce instead of realising it is just a phase they are going through. Kids need the ability and time to "find themselves" a chance to discover who they are and develop personality. Correcting them at every turns ensure they will never develop skills to be on there own and make life choices on there own.
Kids now a days(and I am so guilty of it) are overly Micro Managed. If our bosses Micro Managed us like we do out kids I am confident we would all quit our jobs. If just puts incredible pressure on these kids to not screw up. they are so worried about making a mistake that they may not try. They need to make mistakes to learn.
I have learned to back off with them, I realise that even if they are mad at me, or don't want to see me it is just a phase. I give them time and space and they eventually do the right thing(usually after doing it wrong the first time). They are learning, I tell them all the time that they need to make decisions on their own, I am here to provide advice if they want it, but only if they want it.
It is hard, but i am getting there....and so are they.
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