The kids will adapt.

Going through a separation people will tell you,...the kids will be fine,...the kids will adapt,.... the kids want you to be happy,...the kids will understand.  A lot of people will have a lot of opinions(present company included), but your kid(s) are individuals and how they react to will depend on the individual.

The one thing I can guarantee is the experience of living though their parents separating will change them.  No child wants their parents to break up.

I am not saying it is all dome and gloom concerning the kids but it will effect them.  The key is, like with any relationship communication.  It has to be good communication, not bad mouthing your x-spouse.  Don't expect the communication to be there immediately, it takes time for the kids adjust to the new reality of life with parents in separate house holds.  Just stick with it.

In my case it took several years for the communication to come back.  I had to get my life back together first, get ride of the hate and animosity.  You can't expect the kid(s) to open up and be at peace if you aren't at peace.  If you want them to adapt, to come to terms with what has happend them you have to lead by example and make peace with what has happened.

I am Back

Hello

I started this blog about 5 years ago as a way to vent frustration and tell my story as I was going through a separation and eventually divorce.  After about 6 months of posting I stopped,  I was laid off from work, i was living with a friend because I was forced to sell my house and could not find anywhere to live. I was away from my kids and that hurt the most.

Much has changed over the past 5 years or so.A am closer with my kids now I think then I was when I was married to their Mom.  I have grow, significantly.  I have come to grips that I made many mistakes, I have learned from them and also cherries the memories of the good times.

I plan on rolling back time in this blog back to when things were not so good and go over what I have learned and what got me here.  It is a tail of a lonely bitter man who has changed, has a wonderful woman in his life and how my kids struggled with the separation/divorce, how it effected them and how they now seem to be coming around. It is also a story of how the kids Mom and me went from not being able to stand being in the same room as each other to being good friends now who talk regularly.

The one thing I have learned through this adventure is that Hate is such a terrible emotion, it is a lazy persons emotion.  It is amazing how once hate consumes you life becomes a struggle, you become completely unproductive as a human.  I was that person, I look back now and think............what a waste of time.  everything was my x-wife's fault, some was, but not everything like I thought it was at the time.

I feel terrible for how my kids have suffered because of the divorces as well.  As much as my x-wife and I tried to hide of bitterness towards each other from the kids, and not fight in front of them I am sure they could sense it, feel it.  Both their grades suffered in school,  there was eating issues that started, drug issues, brother and sister stopped talking to each other. Both of them suffer from anxiety issues and self confidence has also suffered.

Anyways, enough for a first post.  I am back to this, and will post regularly.