8 cold hard truths about separation/divorce

Hello

These are the 8 things that are unfortunate cold hard truths about separation, no matter how amicable it might be.

This list does not apply to people who are in abusive relationships. This is intended for marriages that break up because one or both people were "not happy"

1.) It will hurt emotionally, there is no way around this.  You will question your decision on many a dark lonely night.  There will be times that you are alone without the kids and you will wonder if there could have been some way to save things.  You will second guess decision and replay fights in your mind, aksing youself whit if I had said something different.

2.) It will hurt financially. Mos middle class people I know live pay cheque to pay cheque,  be prepared to live on a much smaller pay cheque.  It will strain your finances to the limit.  You will feel the pinch when you disposable income takes a really hit for a very very long time. No body is better off financially after a separation.

3.)The real looser out of the entire thing...the kids.  Unless it is an abusive relationship kids have nothing to gain and everything to loose by parents separating.  They loose time with there parents, the will loose financially in the long run, they will suffer emtionally.  To you your spouse is just some stranger you met one day....to the kids that is there Mom or Dad they now have to live without.

4.)here is no winners and losers....only losers in various degrees.  even between the two parents no one winds.  Life will become harder, more work and having to do more with fewer resources and less time.

5.)It will forever haunt you as you try and enter a new relationship.  Memories of past realtionships will haunt your new ones.  If you "X" cheatted on you, then you will look and wonder if your new partner is cheating on you.....you will think,.."it happend to me once, it could happen again."

6.)You will loose friends.  Some friends will take your X's side.  If there were couples that you would socialize with you will feel uncomforatbe with them because you are single.  Some friends will find it hard to deal with the situation and avoid you.

7.)It is work..lots of it.  suddenly you will be responsible for every task around the house.  If you have two or more kids it because hard because only one kid at a time will get attention.

8.)If you have kids you will still have to deal with your "X".  You may no longer have to live with you "X" but you will still have to deal with them. When kids are involved you will want to be involved with them and the decisions that surround them.  This means you will still ahve to discuss things with your "X".

Loneliness

Hello All




Of all the things that hurt going through a separation/divorce, the emotional battles, the financial strain, the lack of sleep and constant worries, the wondering if this was the right thing to do, the biggest thing I have had to battle and that has caused me the most pain is loneliness.

If you are one of those people who likes to be alone then divorce was made for you. One of the biggest things you get out of it is alone time. I on the other hand hate to be alone. I like having company, the sound of someone else in the house. If it was not for my dog Charlie I think I would have lost my mind by now.

It has almost been a year now that I have been on my own and I still just can't get use to the idea of not having my kids in my house every night. It is still painful but not nearly as bad as it was a year ago. I have felt emotional pain before, being dumped when you are dating someone, the lose of parents passing away, but nothing compared to the emotion trauma of not being with my kids. I am confident that it has left a scare that will never fully heal. I will never be able to recapture the time I have missed not being with them every night.





Out of all the things lost with the separation/divorces I have gotten over the loss of income, saving, the house, some friends, even the hurtful things said by my "X" I have gotten over but I have never gotten over not having my kids around all the time.





I try and make the most of the time I do have with them, and make sure they know I love them and miss them.

It doesn't pay

I know that this will piss off some people, but this is just how things look to me right now.

It doesn't pay to be an involved Dad and primary bread winner when it comes to separation and divorce.

When I was married I was a very involved Dad raising my children. I changed diapers, I stayed up late at nights when they were sick, play with them, and took them places. Now I know that this is just part of being good Dad, I did what I should have done. I don't expect any kinds special prize for it. But what hurts is that I was also the primary bread winner, which meant more time at work and traveling into the city to go where the high paying jobs are.

Now that I am separated I am trapped, I have to continue to work downtown to earn a good income so that I can continue support my kids and myself. But because they don't live with me I work and don't see them when I get home from work. Now I come home to an empty house, and miss them terribly. But like I said I am trapped, I want to keep my kids in their current area and to do that I have to travel to get to work.

It can be very frustrating.