Just give it time

Hello All

The best advice I can give anyone going through a separation and divorce is just give it time. No matter how lonely you feel, or how dark it seems no matter how depressed you might feel just give it time. Then after some time has past you will look back and be happy that you didn't panic and do something stupid.

Trust me I know what I am talking about.

In the past year:
I have had my marriage fall apart
had to deal with my Mother passing away
had to sell a house I loved
had to live with a friend away from my kids.
lost my job.

It has been a rough year, I have gone through some deep depression and I have seen my way through it. All kinds of crazy thought went through my head during those dark time. Everything from thinking about begging for my "X" to take me back, to thoughts of why should I bother continuing, to thinking about packing everything up and running away.

But I have stuck it out and it is getting better everyday. I am really starting to enjoy life again. I think back about how much I hated coming home from work to face my "X" everyday. I would sit in the drive way and just dread going into the house because I knew she was going to be mad at me about something.

Life is just some much more stable now


Have a good evening everyone.

And again, patience, If you left for a reason then stick to it, because you will hate yourself if you don't stick it out. Remember it is always darkest just before the dawn.

Great Day

Hello all





What a great day with the kids. It is just such a good time hanging out with them. I had a friend over with his kids, kids played, we chatted it was great. The kids seem to be getting more comfortable here which make me feel so great. I just love when they are here. I wish I could have a lady friend over at the same time but I know it is to early for that....one day.





It is amazing how quickly kids adapt to a new reality, they are happy to have two homes, I am happy to have them here. They really seem to enjoy there time here as well and there friends are calling this place as well.



It has also become easier as they have gotten use to where I keep things. It is all getting easier, the night I don't have the kids don't seems so bad and the nights I have them are great.

It all takes time, time to get use to a new way of life. Now that I am getting use to it I am really enjoying it. I have really learn to enjoy my time on my own, I get stuff done and it make the time I do have the kids that much more special.

I find myself smiling more and just being happy.

Anyway, in short I am really starting to enjoy life on my own. Life is good and just getting better.

Something Missing

Hello all

I am on my own, I have a house and the kids this weekend, the sound of them laughing and their voices brings my house to life yet there is still something missing. I miss having some to share it with. When the kids say or do something funny I miss having someone to laugh with. It feels so incomplete. For all the issues me and my x-wife had we always agreed on the kids, we always enjoyed them and being with them and I know that they enjoyed us. I will never understand how we couldn't build on the love of our kids to save the relationship.

I am not saying it was all her fault, or all my fault. I look back now and I think we both stopped communicating. Also we stopped doing stuff together. We did everything with the kids when we should have taken more time to go out ourselves. We made so much time available for the kids and not for us. No....I am not blaming the kids either, I am blaming us for not seeing it. The other thing we had working against us is neither one of us has any real family to speak of. We never had any guidance from a parent when we were having issues. The kids never had grandparents we could drop them off at for a weekend. Everything was kids work and house.

We were so busy with everything else we stopped making each other feel special. So about 5 years ago when someone came into her life that made her feel Special can you blame her for wanting to be with that person.....no. And last year someone came into my life that did the same thing and I reacted the same way as my x-wife did. We both fell for an outside person that made us feel good. All because we didn't take the time to make each other feel special. Now we have all lost, especially the kids.

I am disappointed that we didn't see the affairs for what they were, we should have taken a step back and realized that we both need to work on us, and that it was going to take time. We should have left on a long over due vacation. We should have taken advantage of friends and what little family we have to get away, and focus on what was important. Saving the family, saving the relationship that to that point had been good but like any relationship had some bumps.

Anyway, time to wake up the kids and get on with the weekend, I am happy to have them, but like I said it really does not feel complete. I miss what use to be....and especially what could have been if we had only been a little smarter about it.


David

Miss that sense of family

Hello All

I have a house. I moved in about two weeks ago, and about a week ago I lost my job. In the past year my marriage fell apart, I only see my kids a couple days a week, I had to sell my house, my mother passed away and now I have lost my job.

What bothers me most is that I miss my kids, I miss that feeling of family. For the first time in my life I really need to have someone supporting me and I don't have it. I was there to support my x-wife when she had some down times and now I am going this alone when I could really use someone to be there. I guess I will have to find a way to make it on my own. For so long I supported the family financially and now when I need the financial support I have none. I am terrified to think what might happen if I am without a job for more then 4 months. If that happens I will have to give serious thought to selling the house that I just bought. But if I sell it I have no were to go.

One thing I have noticed is that I use to enjoy Sunday evening a lot, especially in the fall. It was always quiet, and me and the kids would watch TV together. Now I hate Sunday nights. It is the loneliest night of the week. I hate it. I miss the feeling of family more then anything. You don't appreciate how nice it is to be apart of a family until it is gone. Now that mine is gone it is a constant struggle with loneliness and a ever deepening depression.

I do miss it..so very much.

It finally happend

Hello all

It has finally happened, I got a house and I have gotten my separation agreement sign. I am going to get to move out of my friends house and start my life over again. I managed to find a place close enough so my kids can visit any time.

I have lived with a friend for the past 6 weeks, he has been very kind to open his home to me. But I am looking forward to having my own place and making it my own.

I now have a chance to make things my own and not answer to any one. Yes money is going to be tight but I can live on a budget. I will just have to watch my expenses and not splurge on things I don't really need. I will cut back on eating out and spend more time at home. I will have friends over instead of going out to me them. Quiet nights at home on the weekends will be then norm.....not going out to the bar. Drinking and eating at home is so much cheaper.

It will be work at first to get everything set up....and I have to buy a bunch of things. The one thing I have to realize is that I am not going to get everything at once. It takes time to create a home.... taking it slow and easy will be the best way to go about it.

Have a good weekend everyone.....this time next week I will be in my new home.