I think I might be ready

I think that I might be ready to date, to get involved with someone.  Nothing overly serious at first but it would be nice to have some adult company to go to the movies and other things.

I am just not sure how to approach it with my kids,  how do you tell your kids that you are dating,  or should I even bother saying anything until I am serious about someone.

I do have this great fear that if I start dating that the kids might resent it and I will have to make a choice between a girl friend and my kids.  I know who wins that battle but I just don't want to be put in that position.  I think this is the one thing that has held me back from dating up to this point....how will the kids react.  I am probably worrying to much about it, I am making a mountain out of a mole hill I am sure,...but still it is on my mind.

I just worry that the kids will resent anyone that I am seeing, that they might blame her for the separation, I know that is not true, but is just what I worry about.

Maybe I don't give the kids enough credit for being grown up,  they are teenagers, they are not babies anymore that is for sure.

I guess I have to get on with life, waiting for the kids to grow up and leave home is really putting my life on hold.

You can't rush the healing

Hello All

One thing I have learned over the past year and few months being separated is that you can't rush the healing process. 

Lots of people when they are newly separated want to rush getting their lives back to what it once was.  My advice is don't.  Don't rush into dating, definitely don't rush into another relationship. Don't rush to buy items or new house or new car right away.  You have to settle into the new reality that is your life.  You have to give it time.  When I say time, it is not measured in days, or weeks, or months....it is measured in Years.

The temptation is to jump out there and show everyone that you are fine,...that you are happy, that the separation was the best thing to happen to you,..that you are reborn.  What ever you want to call it, it is just over compensating and eventually reality will kick in.  You are much better off to admit to friends that it is challenging being on your own, there are good points and bad.  That you are slowly adjusting to the new reality that is your life.  In the long run this is the better route to take, and your friends will respect you more for being honest with them, and more importantly honest with yourself. 

The biggest thing is don't get into a relationship with someone right away.  I tried, I thought that it was what I wanted, I was disappointed when it didn't work out.  But now, I am so thankful it didn't, it would have ended up as a disaster for sure.  So many people do it, and I can't really blame them because being lonely is a terrible thing, and makes you do stupid things.  You don't need to prove to other people that you are a good person by being able to get into another relationship right away.

As time passes you will notice that there are days that you are truly happy,  that you will have a smile on your face because you feel good.  An honest smile that is not forced to prove to people you are happy.  A feeling of internal joy that radiates out and it is because you realized you have made it.  You have taken on the challenges of being single(again) and although you probably stumbled a few times you have gotten your act together and it is all working out.

When this happens, and it will, don't be afraid to pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for making this far.  There is still plenty to go through, but the worst is definitely over

Have a good weekend everyone.

Holiday Season is done

Well the holiday season is done and now it is back to the grind, schedules are back to normal and now we just try and get thru the winter and wait for the warmer weather to show up in about 3 months.

A part of me is happy the holidays are done.  Everything about the holidays is designed for the typical family.  When your family is split due to separation it is difficult to get in the mood.  Every image on TV or in the media is all about 2 parents and kids all living in the same house and getting along.  Not the case in real life.

I think the holiday season is the biggest casualty of separation/divorce.  It may get better as years pass but currently when things are still pretty fresh there are to many other emotion happening to loose yourself in the holiday spirit.  A single parent just does not get the time to relax and enjoy things.  Adding to the stress is the extra strain on the budget that is already stressed to the limit trying to pay Child Support and Spousal Support. I love to give to my kids but I also have to make sure my bills get paid.

I had fun on New Years,  well at least until midnight came.  It is hard being out with all couples and being the only single person at the party.  As much as I enjoy the time I have with my friends I find it harder and harder to spend time with all married people.  I need to find more single friends, not for dating but just hanging out with and spending time with.

I didn't make any resolutions this year,  if I was to make one it is to continue on the up swing I have been on.  Things are better then last year and I hope this time next year it will be even better.  If I can remain employed for the next couple years I should be on a much more firm financial footing and be prepared to pay for post secondary education for my son in a couple years.

Speaking of work,....better get back to it.

have a great day, talk to you soon.