Many many parents(including myself) over compensate

Hello All,

Many many parents(including myself) over compensate when it comes to their kids to make up for the pain and turmoil caused by divorce. We feel guilty for what has happened. We try and do too much for them because we are so worried that if we are strict parents that we will lose our kids to the former spouse.  It can develop into a battle between the two “X”’s to see who is the “cool” parent.  All the while the kids are not learning discipline and are not being taught the lessons of life and to be self-sufficient.

As parents we loose long term perspective on raising kids, we think they have to be perfect all the time and happy.  Kid wakes up one morning sad and we think the needs to be on meds or go to the therapist.  this is a topic all on its on which I will get to next time....or the time after that.

back to the topic at hand.

On top of this I have also discovered another area where kids are lacking because of this over compensation by parents..  They can’t handle friendly ribbing, busting balls, busting each other chops…..whatever you want to call it.  They are so use to being told how great they are that they don’t know how to handle good natured ribbing, they are incapable of laughing at themselves.  

As you go through life you will make mistakes, be embarrassed, screw things up and if you can't laugh at yourself and take the ribbing you will not survive.  You have to be able to handle it as well as you dish it out.

It is a true art to not only be able to throughout a verbal barb but to be able to take one and laugh it off and fire back a witty comment.  This is a learned skill, you pick up from parents and friends. 

Prior to the split up I would poke fun at my kids(not in a mean way) and they would do the same to me.  Once the divorce happened I stopped doing it because I was so worried.  This was a complete disservice to them.  

I have luckily be able to repair not only my relationship with them but also my own self confidence that the kids(actually young adults now) can joke around once again.