Old Habits are hard to Break

Some Habits die hard.

I have an issue of always trying to keep the peace, Must always keep the peace,....at all cost. Well, the only real cost is that I run myself ragged trying to accomplish this.

It took me a long time to realise that if my kids or wife get mad at me about something it doesn't mean that they are going to leave me. Getting mad is not the issue, it is how it is handled.  I unfortunately thought that avoiding situations that would upset someone was the best way to go.....boy was I wrong. it eventually just makes things worse...way worse.

So when I started a new relationship, and rebuilt my relationship with the kids I was honest even if it meant upsetting them.  I wan't mean, just honest, if I didn't like something they did I told them, in the past I just would have held it inside.

I worked hard at it, got much better. Lately I found myself falling on bad habits again. Its like when you stop going to the gym or cheat on a diet. We all do it, it is so easy to go back to something familiar no matter how dysfunctional or counter productive it is.

So I am back on the wagon so to speak, back to better habits, honesty and not being afraid to express what I feel, as long as it is done respectfully.

don't be fooled

Hello

So, things are good with my X currently. it might be because she lives an hours drive from me, might be because we only talk a couple time s a week and it is only about the kids.

I have friends who comment on how good things are with their X spouse and maybe they should have stayed together.  Don't be fooled the only reason things are good is because yo are not together and there is distance now.

get to the point where you can be okay with the X and there is no more burning anger or animosity not only brings down your blood pressure but more importantly it take pressure off the kids.

If the parents are health and happy the kids will follow your lead and get there as well. I am not saying that it will solve all problems, kids will still have issues dealing with a broken home but it goes a long way to getting them to a better place.  If you are healthy,happy and independent your kids won't worry about you of feel that they have to care for you.  Kids need to be kids, they don't need to be worrying if one or both of their parents are okay.

Once my kid stopped worrying about me and my X, once they saw that we were okay they went back to being young adults and you could see them grow and mature as people.  Kids can't grow up and enjoy their lives and experience things as they should if they are worrying about their parent(s).

So, put the bitterness behind you, you can't change the past and don't waste the time you have tiring to change it...you can't.

do yourself and your kids a favour, forgive, forget and start to enjoy again.